back to inactive state?

yea as title suggests,i might be going back to inactive blogger state once more...lol...

but lets finish up today's story first...
went out to dinner right after i reached wangsa =="
then?
go cc around 3 hours chiong maple...LOL!!!
whats next?
go genting kelang greenrose 2nd round dinner or...supper?lol...
reach home around 10 to 11...

well now its 1+ cos i anime since i back home and of cos bath and so on and it takes some time ><

ok..lets go back to title...lol...
why inactive?perhaps no motivation to continue ba...maybe ill write again once i get new motivation?or maybe my life is just so normal there is ntg special to share out?

well...lets let that slide...im just gonna write when i feel like it...to hell with updating frequently...xD im gonna do it my way~LOL!!!

k la..continue maple+ anime...- -"
nite

Regards,
Blues89™

x.x"

Oh no...its end of the month...Haiz...so many things left to do but....
dun got the mood to actually do them...
feel like going for part time job...but a bit too far for me...
guess $ will really become a problem in the future...
Can study finish degree guarantee a steady income?i doubt can i even finish studying and graduate...
Things been going on my mind all these while but...well...just deal with it anyhow= ="
I still need to keep on going no matter what :D
I think strict diet and days of walking is really taking into me...feel tired all the time and i keep fell asleep in office...
give up dieting?hmm...
as long as i hvnt faint i guess...hahaha...
well..now starting to get use to my silent phone once more...except when there is advertisement...LOL!!!didnt even have much credit inside also...
act as my watch or alarm for now =x
glad i no need to buy myself an alarm clock xD
thats all for now...

Regards,
Blues89™

The memories..And determination.

Yes...as title suggests...

As ppl might have noticed...I am undergoing strict diet right?
actually there is a few reasons why i have this determination...
yes...it is damn suffer at first...lol...i want my snacks >well...ill say what my determinations come from...
hmm..
1.get a nice body shape?LOL!!!no la..getting a bit too fat...all say me...i emo...wan reduce...diet!!!
2.from her who everyday so hardworking going to gym...
3.save money...wonder why i need to save...?i heard someone in need of some electrical stuffs to cope up with next semester work..thought of saving up and subsidise her or what...but...nvm...its too late...get back money keep save for future use ba ^^ or maybe get a better phone!?XD
thought of earning money to go holiday also ba...^^try to change!!!lets travel~
4.lower my blood pressure as well- -" haiz...hypertension lv 2...and due to the sickness i have before this...few hundred gone d...work whole month also cant earn back d la...transportation fees and so on...walao...what also money nia!?
5.trying to get someones attention again by trying to change myself...but..guess it has the opposite effect ><" too bad
6.well the main raeson of all still revolves around that someone...just trying to let her see a better view of me..is that too much?

Hmm...now lets start comparing my life before and after...
There will be a part of before ( single life ) and also AFTER ( couple life) and also final kua...hahahah...see how first...


Before - I am single and all alone and my only wife is my pc....
yes.life is all good...cos...as the saying goes,sometimes its best if u just do not know...
as a lonely guy who online everyday,game is everything...and other than that...maybe chat around few girls maybe..haha...
yes...life is all good...cos i dun even know whats better than that...
well it now comes to after...

well the story starts in my game in garena...angry with some admin....well around that time...i added someone thru facebook...
as usual,im alwaz doing my best trying to please the other side..haha...managed to get her msn and number as well not long after....chat everyday...
and the day comes when she even came to kl to study...wow?fate...
but the thing it really all began was on the day when she is complaining to me shes hungry at nite and hunger for supper....lol...
as a matter of fact,i have no idea why i would say ok to her...even if my closest fren ask me to go out at that timing,i'll find out some excuse and just reject it...
but...it turns up i really agreed on meeting her for the very first time and have our supper together...
well,consider it a miracle how it all happen,a guy as shy and a guy as not outgoing as me going out alone with another girl...lol...thats some NEWS alright?!
well...i cheated her the very first time we met hahahaha...i said i gonna walk over to her hostel..but instaed i drive over...- -" nvr thought why i did that too...really not my character...swt...
somemore its somewhere in gk..lol...a place where my fren keep ajak me drive go for hundreds of times but only succeed one time that kind...guess im really not that sporting huh...
thats the first time meeting her...and after that..there has been more...
i have experience a lot of first time with her...haha...but the thing that leaves most impression on me is the night we spend the whole night just chatting...and she gave me a sudden kiss on the cheek...i raelly startled..i was just joking in msn last time...but..she did give me a real one..and it really touched me...a lot more things happen and yes...we are together after that....well...lets skip it to the AFTER part...

AFTER
Well,i noticed lots of changes that a gf can bring to me...
Couple life is a lot better than single but when u lost it...it hurts a lot more and u rather ur single before this...
this is a list of i miss u...
1.i miss the time when ur with me
2.i miss the smile u had
3.i miss the cute face u gimme>4.i miss the time when i can hold ur hands...
5.i miss the time when i can hold u in my arms.
6.i miss the time we have movie marathon every single time we go out
7.i miss the time when we sit bus and go over to pavilion
8.i miss the time when we sit down and eat at the japan store to eat crepe
9.i miss the time when u come over
10.i miss the time when i wake up i see u by my side
11.i miss the time when i wake up,ur there staring at me><
12.i miss your touch
13.i miss it when u ask me for massage...although i dun really like...haha..but if its for u...sure
14.i miss ur kiss
15.i miss poke poke
16.i miss going to ur place just to bring u food when ur sick
17.i miss there is someone there for me to share my stories
18.i miss there is alwaz someone there for me
19.i miss smsing
20.i miss going out dinner
21.i miss getting so many diff food in mamak instaed of just nasi pattaya or what
22.i miss walking to college together with u
23.i miss accompanying u shopping
24.i miss the time we go out
25.i miss the time we spent together
26.i miss the memories we craeted together
27.i miss the times we had together
28.i miss having midnite talk until morning
29.i miss msn and sms at the same time
30.i miss playing games together with u
31.i miss seeing ur reactions
32.i miss playing around with u
33.i miss seeing u sleeping by my side
34.i miss u sitting on my lap
35.i miss watching movies with u
36.i miss sitting on the side seats of the cinema with u
37.i miss u being by my side even when im busy
38.i miss being by ur side even when ur doing ur things
39.i miss trying to be of help to u
40.i miss seeing u do work at my place
41.i miss staying by ur side even if there is ntg to do
42.i miss having little arguments with u
43.i miss how u treat me
44.i miss u waiting in front of my house
45.i miss u tapao for me
46.i miss the time when i back home,ur there
47.i miss loving u
48.i miss having u
49.i miss hugging u
50.i miss u

thats how i ended up now...but ...its all over and i cant do anything except get over it ba..before and after...yes...there is a lot of things i cannot realise when im single...the feeling of being loved...thats one special feeling...and i still hope i have that feeling now...

thats about the difference of before and after...thats a list of "i miss"..thats the thing that really wins over single life ><" but im back to single life...well..get over it ba...cant be expecting anything much after what i did...forgiveness is such a hard thing...

well..finally?back to single life..what else= ="LOL....
yep..it feels kinda lonely..nothing i can do about it...i stopped chatting with all other girls ever since i got her...only reply when other girls find me...all gone d lu...haha...
well..i cant so fast get over it and head for new relationship ba...the feeling is still strong in me. Good luck to all the single guys and girls ba ><" its tought being alone...but...life will keep going right?i will try to get over this and i am acting strong in appearance only ba...there are so many times i cried myself to sleep....T_T well...stop crying d though...aint crybaby no more!!!>
back to real life,walk to lrt,stand for 40 minutes,walk to office...3 hours daily to and fro action...thats my life- -" doing my project waiting september to come so i can end my intern and continue as a student...

before this i even plan on going holiday with her somewhere when im done with intern,but everythings too late...well..this will be the last time i write about such post i think....
must carry on...
time heals...i wonder..how long will it take...
i dun think i will forget...bt just hope i can let go ><"
when i tries to forget,it just pops out even more often...lol..what a useless way to forget huh?><"
im quite a backslide christian...but..i think i will be going back to church soon...
of cos ill keep u in my prayer everything will go smoothly for u.
as for myself,i just hope to stay healthy...haha....lame >well then..its late and i only left few hours sleep...time to off to bed...
stop here then!
oyasuminasai...


The one who cant forget the past just yet,
Blues89™

Over?

Yes,most of the things are over...Just waiting for some unfinished stuffs to settle down.Well,i cant control that though...

Ok...lets talk about my life these few days...maybe zombie is a good synonym?LOL!!
i went to work these few days just sitting there and wasting all my time away.In the end,i did ntg at all..Haiz..Will i ever catch up with my project deadline?

Why having such a zombie life?emotional breakdown i suppose...Some might know what happened and some might not know...But actually deep down inside i already know the answer but i chose not to believe it...Guess,im stuborn?

Well,even all these things i am still grateful and yes even i hurt alot but i am still thankful.i never knew i can actually think it this way though...Well,i tried to forgive and forget,forgive maybe possible but forget is still seems a little too hard for me...

Well,i tried my best doing what i can...even if the outcome isnt what i want i cant do anything about it anyway right?i guess itll take me sometime to be back to the Disreputable Lone Ranger :D~

Well,thats life,lots of ups and downs...it just matters whether u have the will and power to live over it...and i will try my best to get over it! and yes,forgiving someone actually makes us feel better...in my case i am a bit more calm and peaceful compared to when i first emotional braekdown...did lots of stuffs that shouldnt be done,but whats done is done,cant do anything else...

oops~~~its getting late here..2am and yet im here crapping ...lol!!tmr still need to wake early and walk to work again ...same schedule every week...haiz...hope i can finish intern asap and back to my college life...

NITE all ><

Blues89™

yo...

Be strong,everything will pass,
continue living on,the world still turns even without u...
be brave,everything will be ok,
continue hanging on,the life will still continue...
be still,nothing changes,
there is nothing that can stays forever...


suddenly tot of a song...crying in the rain...a favourite song of mine since young but nvr knew it might be applicable to myself....pity me the night never accompany me...
well...time to move on and try to get some sleep i guess...zhou gong,pls find me play chess tonight...

Blues89

Days of thinking

Clock ticking away yet my mind never stop thinking how it ended up like this...

Yes really,I am just an actor on this stage playing a fool out of myself...

I feel that the rainy days are my friends for they accompany me by falling down tears...

It is heartbreaking to live a life as pathetic as mine but I'll stay strong.

Saw ur pic in my drawer and also in my pc...Nostalgic?Or plain sadness...

Still thinking i got chance?im just a dull guy,who wants?

back to my lone ranger life i guess...

Hoping for a change.

Hanging on...

I am hanging on by a thread...~ ~ ~

Letter to you.(Alice)

There will be 2 part,you may just want to read part 1 as part 2 might not be what u want to read.I know its quite sudden but I just feel like saying all out after days of consideration.Well so here it goes.

PART 1
------
List of The thank you chapter :P
1.On 21st May...changing me to become less shy i suppose...I would nvr drive someone out that late somemore alone on the first day of our meeting if u remember...That was the very first time i went and fetch someone whom i have nvr met be4 to go supper...and im alone with no other frens.i am super nervous at that time as I do not know what can we talk about...I am very "nei xiang",dun hv much topic when chat face to face...but well it ended quite well and i thank you for that :D

2. 12th june roughly...Thanks for being my first ever true gf.I might have boast that I have gf be4 this but those are just net gf and they arent real,ur the one that gave me all the experience and let me experience the feeling of being wanted.Although I am quite contented with my life at that time,but u did bring me to a whole new lv of relationship.I never thought that having someone by side is so warm.I love huggings :D

3. Thanks for your time and also your effort.You managed to ask me out a lot of times in fact.I am not the outgoing type,but u did drag me out for movies lots of times and i really enjoyed those times where we watched 2 movies in a row and spending the whole day jz the two of us. U did changed me a lot as I would use excuses to frens and wont go out most of the time but i just cant reject ur invitation that much. and thanks to you,i really had lots of great time watching movie and to keep up to date with the cinema too...

4. Thanks for your consideration on this dull bf. I never had any experience being a bf and so im totally new. and well i am not doing quite a good job as you are the one who keeps coming over instead of me going over...let u do so much walking...haha...i aint romantic or what as well but u still bear with me for so long,i thank you for that.

5. Thanks for ur gift i suppose?the t shirt u got me,i cant wear it comfortably yet...haha..but recently cut down few kgs now manage to wear without feeling too tight..but lose few more kg will really let me fit perfectly ba...haha....thats the only gift i get from u i guess...cant think of others...well...its good enough~

6. This is after getting back to single life...Dunno why u gimme a sudden motivation to lose weight...but i wont lose too much...just lose enough to get to my normal bmi is enough for me.i nvr exercise much,cant expect to lose much also...well thanks anyway :P

7. My life youve changed,i changed alot compared to the Adam u knew before if u really have noticed.And i really appreciate it.I learnt to be brave a bit and also go for things now and then...I might be reluctant sometimes but when its needed,ill get onto it.And yea,i found a new interest in doing part time haha~just to earn extra cash...and its quite fun..i might learn to be more outgoing to join more events as time goes,but slowly...shyness cant just fly away all of sudden.I think im changing to a better person ,well imo.

8.Thanks for bringing me so many happiness although in just such a short term.I learnt to love someone whole heartedly.really thank you.

9. All in all,i jz wanted to thank you for being my gf for 11months+...i aint much and sorry that u need to bear with such a dull guy.arent romantic either to buy u flowers or chocs...altho u still eat my house choc..haha...

10. thanks for all the first time u brought to me...u really bring me to a lots of places with a lot of new experience and i get to learn from u how to be better to own partner.I'll keep that in mind and make myself a better guy.You let me learnt a lot and to think differently a bit...i cant change aall of sudden right?slowly ba...

11. Conclusion of my thanks,thank you for being u and thank you for being there for me.I really enjoyed that moment.Thats all in my thank you posts.well its all over anyway.

Below here is part 2,i will change the font color so if u really feel like reading how i actually feel all these time....feel free to do so,if not,u may just consider this post done.thanks.


PART 2
-------
These parts will be a bit offending to u i guess,since u alwaz say i nvr accept ur explanation.but this is how i really feel all these times.of cos..the thank you above is all honestly from heart..i really thanked u for that...
Hmm this part might be longer in fact...hahahaha....
Dont read this part if u dunwanna get upset by my thoughts and feelings...

1. lets start from early,what really broke my heart was what u wrote at ur blog but we settled this before so i will not go into it further..it just hurts my pride as someone's else bf.sry that u need to bear with me.

2. when ur in trouble,u didnt actually find me for help instead go for others...if u asked,i might just put aside everything for u.I am who to u actually?i just look like a guy who will only share happiness with u and wont bear ur problems with u?I admit i aint good enough,but u said ur fren is alwaz there by ur side when u need them. did u ever estimate how much i did for u?Did i not care?If im not here,u wont be in kl anymore i guess...
Last time u said i keep give other girls <3 and i stopped,ask back urself did u not did that to other guys?i stopped to initialize sms with any other girls and also in msn...did i do not enough?i only reply when they find me,is it that wrong to have a proper manner to reply others?


3.I hate it when ppl lies and u did that be4...same question,who am i to u?if u explained that to anyone,i dun think anyone would believe it either...typo from "at cc playing" become "home doing ntg"...who am i that u need to lie?
and u said on my bday cook for me,in the end,i still need to eat mamak with u and u treat it like u nvr say before.i hate ppl breaking promises and i told u from the very beginning...Well,correct me if im wrong..i cant remember clearly..but did i ever lie to u?i only remember once and that time im feeling unhappy with what u did although i cant recall....

4. class trip = 1 girl 4 guys .sry but u just say class trip like that,i really cant accept it,im possesive guy and i very easy get jealous.

5. u said i exam time nvr sms u,but my other phone still had record i sms with u...and its during exam...even after cold war,ive been msging u for days..but everytime i start,im the one who replied last as well...u ignored me most of the times,that leads to us breaking up. u said u feel lonely,u go and find other guys to sms with...I am very disappointed,who am i to u actually?u lonely u go find other guy,then what am i?am i just a stranger whom u wan to find then find,dunwan then ignore?is this considered ur bf?i can guarantee whenever there is sms i will reply as soon as i see it unless i fell asleep or out of credit.

6. recent happenings,movie with u even after we break up...but during the movie,u've been pressing phone nonstop.excuse me,u asked for movie and yet u nvr really watch it..and i sit aside like some kind of atm to pay u for ur seats? oh yea...some days ago i said bout ur fren with car right?this pic: http://twitpic.com/5jrr5g ...on the way go wcg?lol...

7. Yea recent happenings again,sms with u...and u said u credited rm5 only seems like u dunwanna sms with me much...well,expected,who am i to u anymore?haha...that day u sms me tell me u miss that time,i also miss,but i cant just say come on...i really cant. I feel totally insecure about u,ur becoming more of a stranger to me day by day...I raelly felt no position within u anymore...same question all over again,who am i to u that u want to do these kind of things to me?and ur recent attitudes like dislike me...


Yea,ive been thinking that we might be able to get back together somehow,but i just cant accept it when i myself lost confidence in myself that i still worth smtg to u.i just cant.well,now u might probably got a new target d,i will take more time to heal,as this is the first time i really think of someone that much,everyday...

you've been giving me hints to chase u back but,i really dunno how i can carry on with so many uncertainties within me...and also the response which are cold and hot at times i really am not sure...ur good,just that i aint that good enough for u.maybe this is the better solution for both of us,u can get more of ur freedom and go get tattoo or go wherever with whoever u want,i cant control.just take care.

well thats about all i wished to tell u,its been inside me for quite some time,just feel like letting them out.if this offense u in anyway,sorry.i cant think of other words.
I just think that i might feel better after thanking u and also expressing my feelings and thoughts all these while.Even if u didnt read part 2,really thanks for coming here and read as my request.
Oh yea and i quit twitter was actually becoz i really got ntg else to do there,opening a tab jz to go twitter will only make my pc lag,i rather get a new phone and use twitter on phone :P
Well,gotta go sleep d,gonna work tmr again...Just thank you for coming and take care wherever ur heading :-)

Regards,
Blues89™

A random post?

Yep...just to write some crap before heading to bed...

Feeling unhappy but thats life :P get with it~

the worse day ever is when u are at office with work to do but u chose not to do...
whats worse is ur colleague take mc then dump u alone on the project all by urself...haiz...

Oh yea,although lots of bad things happening lately but...there is one good news...LOL...
i managed to cut down 6 kg jor...quite an accomplishment for a guy who nvr exercise i guess...xD~

Well..2 months+ to go and im free frm industrial training and get back to student life...
wonder how will it be after getting used to work life...swt...

if only i have a time machine,everything is gonna be so well!!~im gonna time travel back to the junctions before i made my choices so right choices can be made!~:P

but its not gonna come real so well...get on with it...and thats life!

try to enjoy while you can...T_T i know not much time left for me to be fooling around...haiz...

wish me luck in my work and my studies my lonely blog :P

Regards,
Blues89™

Feelings

Feelings of awkardness~_~

Why should I feel such a bad feeling about someone whos not mine?

Wish me luck to forget the past faster >

sad...

its been like years since i last visit a dr but now...
i cant even sleep and i need to see dr at as early as 4am....
and dr says i already has this sickness 1 year ago....
operation might be needed if things get worsen....
haiz...